I try to keep a positive attitude and mindset when it comes to skating and my daily life, I truly do. Though I know what is expected of me as a mom, a wife and as a skater. Sometimes there is a "Voice Within" that says "what are you doing with yourself". Yes, skating is a tough sport, and at my age it's even harder. Deep down inside I know that I can do it - but my body tells me otherwise. With just a little more practice and positive encouragement, eventually it will all fall into place.
There are days that I feel a sense of disappointment and/or the "not good enough" syndrome within myself no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try - is it worth it? Some days are good days but then there are the bad days. It's a challenge for me because I want to please everyone, then again feel a sense of guilt inside (voice) for doing what makes me happy (skating) but at what cost. Should I listen to the "voice" or fight it - though its tough - just go with the flow? Not sure if anyone else, feels the same, if you do, please share...
Though I am not quite sure if its a normal thing, just a mid-life crisis or just a "voice" in my head playing mind games with me or the war of "Good vs Evil". Maybe just making something out of nothing! That voice within I call it "my drunken monkey" and its one of my affirmations..."Don't listen to your drunken monkey"
Some of the things he likes to say:
- what am I doing?
- is this actually worth it?
- what are you trying to prove?
- you're not good enough.
- I can't do it.
- Its over - don't you see.
Life is Bigger Than Self !!
I have this problem all to often. Mostly I feel guilty about the spending time and money on me. When I do that, it is taking time away from more "productive" things. But then I have to re-frame my thinking. When I am skating I am happy, it makes me more creative and it is a healthy outlet. When I step on to the ice it is the best thing for my mind, because I am only focused on that. Which is really the only time that I am like that. We are all such multi-taskers, constantly doing a 100 things . So for me, it is a must. Everyone needs a hobby, why not ice skating.
ReplyDeleteAs far as it being hard, it is hard. If it were easy it would not be an Olympic sport. Often I think that people have no ideal how hard it is.
But lately I have had so many questions, compliments and amazement by friends when they find out I am an ice skater.
Most people our age are afraid to even get on the ice, for good reason. So the fact that you took it up late in life and are working hard at something you
love is impressive. And I tell myself this all the time, so I don't hear any drunken monkeys.
Skate On - - Linda
This is so inspiring to read. I can truly understand and I am glad someone can relate. I love skating, and I try to balance myself, family and hubby. Yet he's the one telling to go and skate because he knows I love it...funny ha!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I tell my friends about my skating some are like omg that's amazing but there was one in particular made a stupid remark "isn't it to late for you to go to Olympics" I got in my car a cried...Dumb ass...I choose to skate at a late age to give all and everything to my girls and now that they are grown and its my turn...Set goals and live life!!! Oh and land that double I've been praying for since I was 14 :)
Happy Skating